Whomp whomp

I fractured my tailbone.  Falling down the stairs.  Well, they are sure it is at least a hairline fracture, but I'm still waiting to hear the full results.  Either way, the only treatment is a walking cane, sitting on a donut, pain meds, rest, and a back brace.

This is the SECOND time I've fractured my back on the stairs.  

Stairs: two  Feisty: zero

Today started my 365 days of photography challenge.  I posted more about it on my photo blog, but here are a few photos from my brother-in-law's bowling birthday party:

M attempting to pick up a spare

N chucks the ball for a strike!

Quick group picture of some of my in-laws at dinner

Because I am a brilliant person, I decided to participate in the bowling aspect of the day.  My pain was not bad at the beginning, but it was definitely aggravated by the end of the evening.  I haven't gotten off my hot pad for almost four hours - I'm surprised it has not burned me yet.  :P

2014 has already brought a lot of surprises and changes.  M decided for sure that he is going to change jobs and we're really discussing leaving the state.  This is nothing extreme for him, since he has lived in other states and out of the country, but I've never lived anywhere but Iowa, so it sounds scary to me.  That said, I am REALLY pushing for California.  

I've also decided to go back to school, once we know what we're doing with his job situation.  I already have a degree, so I'll just be taking classes in photography and film production/editing, to expand my abilities and connections.  The hope is to end up working in a job that allows me freedom to be creative and pursue the industry I have always wanted to work in. 

We have finally accepted that we are not able to expand our family, so we are no longer putting life on hold, and are exploring options we did not know we would have in the past.   While this is bittersweet, I have also found it to be a bit freeing.  I accept it now and can pursue things that I may not have been able to as a mother.  I refuse to live with regrets and this is now an opportunity to be a better person who can do everything I have always wanted to.  

No regrets and almost no limitations.  

Where in the World has Feisty Been?!?

I'm here!  I promise that I am.

I'll update soon - I really, really promise.

Things have changed wildly in the past year and I wish I would have kept up my blogging.  I promise not to fall by the wayside again.

I also plan to restart my 365 Photo Challenge!  I am going to start it on January 1st and everyone is welcome to join me.  I'm planning on having themes, challenges, and maybe even prizes, depending on how it goes.  :)

How have YOU been?  I have missed you all!

Travel Tensation

Twenty-six hours before we leave for our amazing vacation and my tension is through the roof.  Our (cat)dog has serious attachment issues, so I haven not been able to fully pack and cannot until we drop him off today around 8pm. 

Even with being 'careful', we know he knows we're leaving - he has bee groaning, purring, huffing and puffing all week long - more so than usual.  We LOVE taking our vacations, but he does not handle them well, and when we return it has taken over a month for him to 'forgive' us and respond appropriately.  He's an elderly man in every sense of the word

He Thinks the Pity Vote Counts

I wish I could sleep right now, I desperately need it, but my mind is running like crazy.  I have a list of over 40 things left to do in the next 30 hours (including small things like dishes, pack suitcases, move food from mini-fridge upstairs, etc).  I have no idea how it piled up this bad - trying to keep Cocoa from freaking out has caused a major backlog, I think.

I guess this isn't unusual, though.  In the last 18 months, we have done 3 (going on 4) major road trips and have visited over 16 states. I've knocked off a major chunk of my 'see all 50 states' bucket list item and we've worked on other BL things, including 'see every baseball stadium' and 'see all major zoos' and 'visit every National Park'. 

Mt Rainier, Fall 2012

Our vacations are rarely restful.  We don't know how long my health will stay 'up', so we're trying to knock off as much as we can right now.  We add 2-5 'new' states each trip and also add in a zoo, stadium, and NP or two.  We love doing this VERY much, but it also creates a ton of stress and I think we're taking it out on each other right now.

Part of the stress is the fact that I do not drive outside of Iowa.  Part of it is the fact that we do not stay in the same place for more than a night.  Either way, it often feels like we need a vacation from our vacation when we return home. 

I'm not going to lie - I LOVE the way we vacation.  I just worry it adds up to some extreme stress for M (since he plans, pays, and drives each vacation) and keeps him from truly enjoying the vacation.  The good news is that this vacation ends with his secondary Jeopardy audition.  We've both done it in the past, but he was the only one that got invited back this time  I'm not jealous- it is his dream, not mine. 

I sincerely hope this is his break because he deserves it and has been studying like a fiend - he has the test in the bag.  His only downfall is that he falls in the 'majority' of Jeopardy auditioners - 30-something white guys.  I hate to be stereotypical, but in my room of auditioners last time, at least, almost 75% of the auditioners were white males between the ages of 30 and 41.

I promise to try to update my blog daily during our vacation (what a great way to keep to my 365 promise), but I'm not sure if M will allow me to bring my laptop or not.  He's worried, rightfully so, about car break-ins.  As much as I REALLY want my laptop with me 24/7, I also worry about someone stealing it while we're hiking.  It feels like a lose/lose situation.

Even if I do not get to bring my laptop, I plan on updating Instagram.  Look for my vacation photos there!

Trying Not to Fail

M gave me my new camera a little over a month ago, for our third anniversary.  I completely planned on taking photos every.single.day, but time, life, and frustration got in the way.

I will honestly say that I was able to take pictures almost every day the past 6 weeks, but I have only uploaded a handful.  I'm very torn - do I do a few photo dump, and put events from last month up, or do I just start fresh from here?  I really want to see this activity through and I feel bad for wasting over a month of photos but does it really count if it is not the current day?

I'm thinking that I'm going to start posting the current day's photo(s) and use TBT and FF to include photos from the past few years.  There are quite a few that I really want to share with you guys, but I don't want it to seem out of sorts.

Look forward to many more updates as soon as we return from vacation next week!  I am determined to keep up.

Swimsuit Horrorshow

I'm going to be completely honest, I've always hated bathing suits.  With so much skin showing, it is very hard to hide flaws, real or perceived.  Lumpy thighs, tummy pooches, and any other 'imperfections' are on display for everyone to stare at.  Even at my fittest and most 'confident', I was never comfortable in any form of a suit, and I tried many styles over the years.

Tankinis, bikinis, one pieces - they all created issues, in my mind.  I openly admit I have struggled for years with body image issues and bathing suits are my number one enemy.  I turned down invitations to pool parties, beach outings, and even stepped down from the diving team after trying on our official 'uniforms'.

Regardless of my discomfort, I somehow built up a large supply of bathing suit pieces.  When I discovered skirt bottoms, I may or may not have splurged on 6 or 7 different tankini tops to match.  I figured with my hips and upper thighs covered, I'd be perfectly content. 

Unfortunately, time, injury, and my illness (and the medications to treat it) contributed to a bit of a weight increase.  My abs, the one area I was always 'okay' with, turned into a tummy pooch.  One of those frustrating pooches that refuse to budge even after months of daily cardio and abdominal routines. 

I figured my days of wearing swimming attire were thoroughly squashed.  That is, until two weeks ago, when M informed me we'd be visiting the Hot Springs on our vacation in a few weeks.  I knew I had to find something to wear or miss out on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to truly enjoy them.

To my chagrin, I actually found a new style that I am completely in love with.  They're hip-minimizing one-piece dress suits from Croft and Barrow.  They're essentially a short, stretchy dress with a bathing suit underneath.  I tried a few on and fell head-over-heels in love with the design - Fit for You Hip Minimizer Swimdress from Croft and Barrow.

What I'll be wearing on vacation

There are a lot of options in various colors and styles.  I am not comfortable buying clothes online, so my options were limited in-store, but if you're comfortable buying online, your choices are pretty endless.

Other styles from Croft and Barrow:

I realize the swimdress is not for everyone.  They're not necessarily super stylish and I don't know if any celebrities have stepped up to endorse the style (I could be wrong).  Many people love their tankinis, bikinis, and other swim wear and I encourage everyone to wear what they are most comfortable with.  It is just nice to see designers create styles that even the most self-conscious person could feel comfortable wearing without having to resort to shorts and a t-shirt!

What to Expect When You're Expecting

I have two of the books from the series ('borrowed' from my mom when we started this journey 20 months ago).   I've checked out the IF version from the library, although I couldn't make myself finish it because it was too depressing.  This weekend, I finally got around to watching the movie! 

** Spoiler Alert Ahead**

This movie was basically what I expected it to be.  It was an okay movie that didn't make any major errors in the science of conceiving, but didn't really spend any time going in-depth into the pregnancy journey, either.  It glossed over almost all of the trying to conceive efforts, except brief mention of struggles by two couples.  One couple was at the two year mark and talking about fertility treatments, but got pregnant at an outdoor movie theater, no interventions required.  Another couple mentioned they spent their 401k on IVF and were adopting, but we never saw any of their IF struggle either.  Everyone else in the movie either got pregnant by accident or on their first try.

This was your typical comedy/romantic comedy, meaning it had a basic storyline with nothing too mind-blowing in the theme or dialogue.  I did appreciate how they tied everything together (a la 'Love Actually' or 'Crazy Stupid Love'), but there wasn't anything revolutionary or enlightening in the movie.  I did love Elizabeth Banks' 'most of what you are told is crap and there is no glow' breakdown scene. 

I have not been blessed with a take home baby yet, but I completely understand that, for most women, at least some parts of pregnancy are not at all what they are cracked up to be.  Acne, fatigue, flatulence, morning sickness, growing larger each day, and, possibly worst of all, the actual birth part - all are very welcome unglamorous parts of pregnancy that are accepted only because they lead to the birth of your baby.  I was able to relate with Banks, even without being a mother, because it seemed to be the most 'real' portrayal of motherhood within the movie.

The dad's group was not as funny as I had imagined it to be - most of the scenes were in the numerous trailers.  They didn't add much in the movie beyond the trailers, but the idea of such a group humored me.  Personally, I think Jimmy Fallon's new TV show 'Guys with Kids' is a much funnier portrayal of men raising children, but I appreciated the break from constant bump action throughout the movie.

There was one part of the movie that made me ugly-cry so hard that M ran upstairs, thinking I was physically injured.  The entire miscarriage storyline tore open some very real and pretty fresh wounds that I thought had started to heal the past few months.  My story is no where near identical to that which is in the movie, but it still just ate at my soul.  I might not have been physically injured, but emotionally, I was crushed. 

The worst part was that I completely forgot this storyline was in the movie.  I remember the PSAs when the movie came out, and common sense should have told me that a movie all about getting pregnant and having a child might include this storyline, but it just slipped my mind.  For the past few days I have been in a funk that I cannot shake, just because I could deeply relate to her story line. 

In the end, overall the movie was okay.  The cast was stellar, but none of them presented their best performance to date.  The storyline has been done before and this offered nothing really new, but it wasn't too choppy or unrealistic, either.  They avoided going into the science behind infertility, so they didn't really lose points in the 'realistic' category.  I am glad I didn't pay to see this in theaters or even to rent it, but I also don't feel like it was a total waste of my time.  Overall, I'd give it 3 out of 5 stars.

If you're looking for something similar, check out the movie 'Conception'.  It is an indie movie with a similar feel (although less comedic).  The only difference is that instead of the pregnancy journey, it is the conceiving journey. 

The cast includes David Arquette (Scream), Aaron Ashmore (Smallville, twin brother of Shawn Ashmore), Moon Bloodgood (Terminator Salvation, Falling Skies), Julie Bowen (Modern Family), Connie Britton (Friday Night Lights, AHS, Nashville), Sarah Hyland (Modern Family),  Jason Mantzoukas (Ravi on The League), Pamela Adlon (Californication), Jennifer Finnigan (Monday Mornings, The Bold and the Beautiful), Steve Howey (Shameless, Reba), Jonathan Silverman (Weekend at Bernie's), Gregory Smith (Harriet the Spy, Small Soldiers, Everwood, Rookie Blue), and Alan Trudyk ('Steve the Pirate' in Dodgeball, Suburgatory). 

It is loaded with talent and they carry the pretty decent storyline.  I give it 4 out of 5 stars - a great girl's night movie (especially if you are trying to get pregnant or are already pregnant.  Highly recommended for those who enjoy independent films!





Easter Excitement

I have always loved Easter. 

I love the family gatherings - reconnecting with family you have not seen for a few months.  I love the conversations, shared over a fancy dinner table, between bites of delicious delicacies. 

I love the fantasy of some anthropomorphic bunny placing eggs around yards during twilight.  The fact that some rabbit (aka a mammal) has millions of eggs to spare never passed by me as a child.  I was always curious of the location of this fictional chicken coop and why a rabbit had such free access to it.  I mean, Santa has the North Pole - the Easter Bunny must have somewhere that he calls home to harvest millions of plastic goodie-filled eggs.

My most favorite part of Easter, though, is the unlimited selection of candy.  Christmas candy is fun, but it is Easter where candy companies pull out all of the stops.  Reese eggs, Cadbury eggs, coated eggs, marshmallow eggs, jelly bean eggs, Peeps, oh my!  It is a veritable smorgasbord of candy delights, a fact my taste buds both revel and despise.



So Tempting

The problem is that 99% of the year I try to eat clean and as unprocessed as possible.  Even allowing myself two days of indulgence in the sugary and addicting processed candy gets me re-hooked.  For the past three days, all I can think of is chocolate, peanut butter, caramel, and sugar.  I want to forsake my apples for a row of Peeps.  This is not a sane or healthy option. 

My solution?

PB2 and PB2 Premium Chocolate:


PB2 Premium Chocolate

Two tablespoons can be mixed with water to create a peanut butter cream that you can dip fruits or popcorn into.  Or you can add the mixture to delicious smoothies. 

My favorite recipe right now is adding two tablespoons of PB2 Premium Chocolate to Oikos Greek Yogurt (Vanilla Flavor).  It creates a taste and consistency similar to chocolate pudding, but with 165 calories, 1 gram of fat, and a whopping 16g of protein per serving.  It is absolutely delicious.

I have been relying on this delicious snack the past two days to try and snap myself out of my sugar addiction.  While it is not a perfect switch for a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, it is as close as you can get without all the excess added sugar and saturated fat!

My initial draw to PB2 was the fact that it had all the taste and consistency of peanut butter, without all the fat.  I do know that the fat found in nut butters is considered 'healthy' fats, and I do appreciate healthy fats, but sometimes I want to eat my PB without the guilt of 12+ grams of fat per serving.  I make sure to get my healthy fats through Olive oil, olives, avocados, almonds, etc.  I just wanted something yummy that was relatively guilt-free.  I can add it to almost anything to give it a kick of peanut butter, too!

P.S.  If you want to make the guilt-free chocolate pudding, make sure to add it to Oikos or Yoplait Vanilla Greek Yogurt.  I love Chobani, but it is much more sour than the two previous brands.  I tried adding PB2 Chocolate once and could not stop puckering.  I ended up adding two packets of delicious Truvia to pump up the sweetness, and it worked, but I would have preferred for it to be sweet right off the bat.